An Anti Bad Vibe Shield: Making Stuff With Ozzie Wrong

13 May 2015 0 Share

by Ozzie Wrong

Making Stuff Guru of Shred

MAKING STUFF WITH OZZIE WRONG

Presented by Volcom

Welcome to Making Stuff with me… Ozzie Wrong. I’ve been doing this column for about a year in Surfing World Magazine and I have to admit it doesn’t provide much information on how to actually make stuff. So if you’re the kind of person who loves hating things on the internet you’ll find plenty of fuel to throw on your negativity inferno right here. However, if you’re the kind of person who wakes up in the morning looking forward to the new day, who feels inspired by other human beings doing stuff rather than a pressing need to destroy them, who embraces the ridiculous for no other reason than having fun… then maybe there’ll be something in these posts you might enjoy. Anyway I’ll be dropping a new Making Stuff... on CW every month and this is the second one it’s called…

The Anti Bad Vibe Shield

With help from my imaginary friend, Harold

So one day a year or two ago Harold and I were sitting at home looking at a pile of bills when it occurred to me that bills fully suck ass. For one thing you gotta pay them or some invisible finger will turn off your power, kill your phone and cancel your license all while simultaneously sticking itself deep into your anus canal. The whole process is super depressing so I felt like I needed something to lift my spirits and ward off the money grabbing evil. That’s when I happened to notice 25 balls of different coloured yarn and four broom handles just sitting there in the corner of my room. Harold was like, “Yo man, you should make the biggest anti bad vibe shield in the history of the world… then we should go get burgers.” As usual, Harold was right on.

1. First off, me and Harold used the broom sticks to have a Monkey Magic-style staff fight in the lounge room which I won convincingly with a couple of rapid fire pin point blasts right across his eyeballs. Then I created an axis with our broom handles so that I had a wheel-like frame with eight evenly spaced spokes. Harold was instantly impressed. “That looks awesome already dude,” he said. I agreed because Harold is always right.

2. I slowly began threading my cotton wool around the frame starting from the middle and slowly working my way out. Within five minutes I had totally forgotten about the bills and was captivated by meditative calm this new creation was providing me. “Ozzie, you’re totally ripping the Zen,” said Harold and guess what? That mad bastard was right again.

3. While threading the middle part was easy, getting to the wider sections of my shield required around about 500-800 repetitive squats. “Haha! Boy are you gonna be sore tomorrow!” laughed Harold and by the time I’d finished I could barely walk because my thighs and glutes were near paralysed from severe overuse. Once again Harold had called it. What a bloody legend.

4. When I finished my anti-bad vibe shield I cut out a small mantra for myself and placed it in the middle. Though the whole process took less than a day the making of it had served its purpose by distracting me from paying my bills. I hung my anti bad vibe shield above front door then Harold and I went and got burgers. I ate Harold’s burger for him because sadly Harold is not real.

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