White Caps: The 7 Of Surfing's Cyber Slops From This Week

14 Jul 2017 1 Share

Pale Denton

Almost Fired

COASTALWATCH | WHITE CAPS

WHITE CAPS

SEVEN CYBER SLOPS 

Welcome to White Caps number 1. What is it? Who even cares. If you’re still reading – congrats – you passed the first test. Your reward is seven of the whitest captions alive, attached to seven surfing clips from this week. Will it happen again? I’m told yes, people are going to film surfing next week. So here we go!

Scroll down for pasty time:

7. Captain Fin Go Motor Boating

Brace yourself for 22 cheek flapping minutes with Dane Reynolds, Alex Knost and Wade Goodall. Did I mention Wade does a boardslide? Wowzers! All thanks to that seafaring dorsal cobbler, Captain Fin.

6. The Dooley Knows All

Among many things, White Caps is riddled with guilt. Awful, awful guilt. See Mike Jennings (host of The Dooley, Senior Writer at Surfing World) had a good thing going on. Maybe too good? He was the eyes, feet and elbows behind This Week In Surfing on this here webhub. The most popular weekly round up since Weak Wrap? I’d go so far as to say maybe. (Coincidently hosted by contestant Danny Johnson). Did CW squeeze Mike out of the seven-day racket? Are he and Johnson in some kind of cahoots? Again, I’m going to say maybe. Rip into the Dool-bag for a family friendly game of Monopoly.

5. Ain’t That Swell Gets Hubbly

What better reason to stay up late than surf radio? Aside from night shifts, or being a tawny frogmouth. The latest offering from Jed and Vaughny is a real humdinger, for the not so family friendly. But it sure is bubbly.

4. Andrew Mooney

Nobody is more underrated than Moon Dawg. Nobody! He charges, he rodeo-clowns, he does straighties that block out the sun (my complexion thanks him). Can someone please slap a big round sticker on the Moon already? Someone that isn’t a wax company. Thanks.

3. Fashion Moguls Throw Fashion Party

My name was not on the list, but I knew the door bi-atch. I wasn't allowed in, but she told me the edit was available on Stab. That was eight weeks ago, and I think we’ve been more than patient. Now's your chance, sling the arrow to watch Dane Reynolds and Craig Anderson pirouette from their Former Garments into some very glamourous hops. Simply divine.

2. Evan Geiselman’s Rib Tickler

That’s right Stab, I poached your clip. Just like you poached my turn of phrase “tickling ribs” in your last article about Jordy Smith, which makes zero sense if you’re not referring to Skeleton Bay. Which you weren’t. Anyway, here’s Evan Geiselman doing a really long barrel. Too long, some say. Depends on your attention span. But hey, you're reading this dribble so I assume you’re only half goldfish after all.


1. RIP Jack O’Neill

A momentous sendoff to the bringer of light, the keeper of flame. The life of wetsuit pioneer Jack O’Neill was celebrated this week with a series of paddle outs the world over. Click ahead to see the sheer magnitude of ocean stoke!

CAP OUT:

If you’re hankering for a Kookslam I apologise, but I’ll be showing my milky, sun-deprived noggin around South Avalon between the hours of 2-4am for the early pre-dawn patrol, if anyone has a hang glider I could borrow? – Pale.

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